Washington Planner: What’s That Ball of Fire?

Could it be? Has the trickery and atmospheric tomfoolery ceased? Can I finally, FINALLY pack away the sweaters?

Dears, I believe the answer is yes.

So throw on a sundress or your seersucker pants (unless your sensibilities argue Memorial Day and not Easter is the first day when such fabric is permissible). It’s time to once and for all shake off the nasty weather blues. April showers bring May flowers, you get the picture. Time to relax outside at a Nats game, fly a kite on the mall, enjoy brunch at Eastern Market, have an afternoon cocktail on the Georgetown waterfront. But if your social modus operandi involves structure, events, RSVPs, and tickets…take heart. There are a whole host of events, for the intellectuals, for the socialites, and for the scenesters, just waiting for you to take advantage of them.

MONDAY, APRIL 30

She Was One Saucy Minx Back In The Day: The Heritage Foundation holds a noon discussion, “Achieving Change: What We Can Learn From Margaret Thatcher”. In Heritage’s Lehman auditorium. RSVP, pretty please.

TUESDAY, MAY 1

We Will Always Love You, Boris: Another noon lunch event! Hooray! This time, drop by the Great Glass Palace of Liberty (or, as everyone else calls is, the Cato Institute) for The End of Alliances book forum discussion. Contemplate a world without the Cold War. As usual, noon o’clock, gratis, luncheon follows.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 2

Cinco? Does That Mean Two?: WaPo’s Express sponsors a Cinco de Mayo celebration a wee bit on the early side (not that I’m complaining). To be held at RFD (Regional Food and Drink), evidently starting whenever happy hour starts for you (ah the dangers of relativism). Dollar Miller Lite drafts until “the keg is kicked”, then $2 Miller Lites after that. While contemplating how it’s possible for a bar specializing in beer to have a single keg of Miller Lite in need of “kicking”, get yourself a a bottle of Leffe or something respectable or at least a margarita (who doesn’t love cliche, seriously?) and celebrate this holiday on the completely wrong day!

THURSDAY, MAY 3

Queen Frostine And Plumpy Kindly Request Your Presence…: Femme Fete, a “fashion playland”, hosts its Spring Suite party, themed around the best childhood board game that didn’t have the important moral lessons of Chutes and Ladders…Candy Land. Yummy treats, festive fashion and more all wait you at the Numark Gallery (625 E St NW). Show up and you’ll surely have a chance to mug for the camera of Project Beltway’s Rachel! For those vehemently opposed to the idea that conservatives are only stuffy dressers, pay your $28 for the chance to get in on this sweet event! (Final note: Were you aware that Queen Frostine has been demoted to Princess in the most recent versions of Candy Land, and Plumpy is completely gone? No doubt a victim of political correctness run amok. For shame.)

Sarcasm and Scenesters? Whodathunkit.: Everyone’s favorite snarkfest of fabulously faux news, The Onion, hosts its DC Kickoff Party @ Black Cat. Feast your ears on Georgie James, Neil Hamburger, Aziz Ansari, and (the Sounds of) Kaleidoscope. Pay your mere $6 and do your part to celebrate the DC invasion. Kicks off at 8 pm.

Presented By AFF’s Very Own…: Frequent AFFer Ben Wyche hosts a happy hour even co-sponsored by DC Ivy League clubs and the Sejong Society at K Street Lounge. No cover, swing by from 6-9. Evidently there is a VIP room sponsored by the Penn Club, but one need not know the secret Quaker handshake to get in. Good to know.

FRIDAY, MAY 4

Don’t Lie, You’re Totally Going to See Spiderman 3: If you didn’t already snag your ticket to the year’s first big summer movie blockbuster opening night (Fandango it now, you know you want to see it on the enormous screen at the Uptown!), or maybe prefer to see it once the hoopla subsides, or superheros just aren’t your thing, there’s a pretty good concert going on over at the 9:30 Club, featuring Five for Fighting (think: “I’m twenty-two for a moment” sappy Chase Visa commercial that makes me feel like I’m ten seconds away from retiring to Palm Beach and playing shuffleboard) and Chantal Kreviasuk (think: amazing cover of “Leavin’ On A Jet Plane” on the Armageddon soundtrack, “It feels like hoooome to me”, you know who I’m talking about). Doors at 8, tickets $25, still not sold out as of…well…the moment I sent this column to JP.

SATURDAY, MAY 5

All The Pretty Little Horses: One of the most anticipated events of the year, GOLD CUP! Come down to the Great Meadow, watch the horses race. More importantly, join other young professionals soaking up the sun, wearing wide-brimmed hats, and sipping beverages. If you don’t have your ticket yet, hop onto Craigslist and say a prayer, as many of the hot tickets (University Row, Capital Club, Town Hall) are basically sold out. You don’t want to be left back in the District this Saturday!

Now, To Recover From All The Collar Poppage…: Go to the complete other side of the coin from socialite to scenester. BrightestYoungThings.com hosts a re-launch party at Rock and Roll Hotel, featuring some of the best of the best of the local music scene. The Dance Party, Death by Sexy, These United States, Middle Distance Runner, Let’s French…you can’t go out in this town to any respectable establishment of live local music and not run into these bands. Now, get them all in one place. Free before 9 pm, $10 after.

SUNDAY, MAY 6

Just Ask Sanjaya How Cool This Website Is: Do you watch American Idol? No? Come on, quit with the denial already. I won’t tell. It’ll be our little secret. Anyhow, American Idol mocking website Vote For The Worst‘s season five sweetheart Brenna Gethers performs with The Bombsquad at Iota Club and Cafe in Clarendon. Tickets $10, 8:30 pm.

Post author

Leave a Reply


9 − six =