Remember when I said I’d kill you last? I lied

While I have no intention whatsoever of seeing the film Taken, currently in theaters, I understand it follows the travails of a father who is forced to kill a number of people in order to rescue his kidnapped daughter. Perhaps I’m missing certain nuances here, but is this not the exact same plot as Commando aka Governor Schwarzenegger’s greatest cinematic triumph?

How could the makers of Taken possibly hope to top the movie they’re cribbing from? Will they feature a lead villain that can match the flabby yet terrifyingly homoerotic Bennett? Will the daughter in distress be as winning as a post-Who’s the Boss, pre-soft core porn Alyssa Milano?

Most importantly, can Liam Neeson, for all his awards, be expected to kill 81 people, singlehandedly? 81. I don’t even know that many people.