After Infertility and Miscarriage, These Celebrities Found ‘Hope’ and Healing in Adoption

National Council for Adoption earlier this year at Nationals Park in Washington, D.C., hosted its quinquennial gala, featuring headliners who shared their adoption stories—stories that, coincidentally, share a common thread: accepting tragedy while embracing the joy of adoption.

“Have you ever had a dream that was so big that you didn’t want to speak it out loud—it was so big and so unlikely that you kind of kept it to yourself?” Kotb said. “I took that dream of having kids and packed it way, way down. I put it in the basement because I knew I’d missed that train.”

A cancer diagnosis complicated Kotb’s dream of having biological kids, and—though more people are surviving the disease, a woman’s fertility often suffers post-cancer. Consequently, NCFA increasingly counsels prospective adoptive parents struggling with infertility.

‘If You Have a Dream, Say It Out Loud’

 The former Dateline correspondent said that, after her breast-cancer diagnosis, she knew biological children “were not to be” but she still desired to live a life filled with children. It was then she started realizing that—through adoption—she could live out her dream of being a mom.

“I told everyone I wanted to be a schoolteacher—which I did and it’s an awesome profession—but that was as close to kids I could get. And then I wonder, ‘Why not me?’ A friend of mine said, ‘If you have a dream, say it out loud—even if it’s to yourself in the bathroom mirror.’”

Kotb said she started coming around to the idea that she could be an adoptive mother only after sharing aloud her heartache and grief with a friend while beach-combing. The conversation, she said, was like a bolt of lightning and opened her up to new ways of being a mother.

“I was walking with a friend at the beach one day and she said, ‘You know, we didn’t want to have kids but how great is life?’ And I actually paused and I looked at her and I said, ‘No, actually I did want to have kids.’”

That’s when Kotb knew there was still time to create a loving home for a child in need and that one pioneering adoptive mother in particular helped show her the way forward and, ultimately, encouraged Kotb on her road to adoptive parenthood.

“I saw Sandra Bullock on TV talking about adoption. I googled her age. She was my age. I was like, ‘She did it.’ And then I saw a picture of a little boy in a war-torn country and I thought, ‘He needs someone and I am that someone.’ So, I reached out to an adoption agency and I waited.”

Kotb adopted her first daughter, Haley Joy Kotb, in 2017. Two years later, Kotb adopted her second daughter, Hope Catherine Kotb.

The news anchor said that, shortly after adopting Haley, she was on her way to buy baby formula for her new bundle of joy when someone stopped her on the street and asked her if she had children.

“I hadn’t—you know—announced [Haley’s adoption] yet and I looked at her and I was about to say the thing I always say—‘Two nieces, they’re amazing—and I paused and I looked at her and I said, ‘Yes, I have a daughter.’”

Adoption is a ‘Life-Healer’

Ware, a former outside linebacker for the Dallas Cowboys, and his then-wife, Taniqua Smith, likewise celebrated the joy of adoption after a particularly tragic time in their life together. Ware said the early days of parenthood are magical but sometimes fleeting.

“One of the most powerful things that God gives us is the living spirit. As adults, we get to experience that nine months during parents’ pregnancy,” he said. “Those moments are nice, but they can be taken away from you with a miscarriage or early complications.”

The first time Ware experienced the loss of a child was five months into his then-wife’s pregnancy. The second time, his wife was seven months into her pregnancy and, come to find out, the unborn child’s lungs hadn’t yet developed.

“That makes two angels in the sky,” said Ware.

It was after the miscarriages that Ware’s car salesman at the time phoned the Superbowl champion asking Ware if he’d ever consider adopting a child and, if so, whether Ware had a preference on the child’s biological sex. The effective stranger was a “life-healer,” said Ware.

Ware’s response regarding his preference? “It doesn’t matter. I’m ready to bless a child.” Shortly thereafter, Ware and his then-wife adopted their daughter, Marley, who Ware says is a “life-healer” and whose arrival in 2007 was more exciting than the all-star game that year.

“So, if anybody’s contemplating on adopting, I stand here and tell you, life isn’t how you make it—it’s what you make of it. With all the love that I give to her, she gives to 20-fold, healing my heart.”

‘What Are the Odds…?’

Retired pairs figure skater Caitlin “Kitty” Carruthers Conrad, like Ware and his family, understand the grief that comes with infertility and miscarriage. They also understand, however, that God sometimes operates on a different timeline and that “adoption is an amazing option.”

Kitty and her brother, Peter Carruthers, a longtime skating analyst for ABC Sports, were adopted three years apart. Peter in 1959 and Kitty in 1962—and both from the same orphanage in Boston, Massachusetts: The Home for Little Wanderers.

The two quickly found their way, however, when introduced to the sport of figure skating at an ice show in Boston Garden arena. Their father, a former professor, built the two skating prodigies a backyard ice rink, complete with speakers and a warming shed for hot chocolate.

Not long afterward, the skaters moved to Delaware to work with coach Ronald Ludington, whose expertise helped vault the Carruthers into the world of elite figure skating. The pair placed fifth at the 1980 Olympic games in Lake Placid and second four years later in Sarajevo.

“When I reflect on our skating success, I can’t help but think, ‘Wow! What are the odds of two children from different biological families being adopted by parents who loved us so much they encouraged us to find something we loved and taught us an unwavering work ethic?” said Kitty.

‘Trust God’s Timing’

Six years after her silver-medal win in Sarajevo, Kitty married her now-husband Brett Conrad and the couple began trying to conceive but to no avail. “I always wanted to be a mother and we started talking about having a family, but we were struggling with infertility,” said Kitty.

In 1995, Kitty and her husband decided they wanted to be adoptive parents and soon the process of welcoming sons Brett and Kyle began. “[Son Brett] made me what I had longed to be for so long: a mother.”

After adopting Kyle and struggling for years with infertility, even suffering an ectopic pregnancy, Kitty discovered she was pregnant with her daughter Kayla. Fifteen months later, she was pregnant again with daughter Brooke Elizabeth.

“We went from praying for children for five years to having four children under four. That taught me: Trust God’s timing,” said Kitty. “Adoption is an amazing option, and this journey for me and my family has been filled with love and it’ll forever be my favorite love story.”