Piracy is wrong. It’s wroooongg!

Imagine that subject read in a Cartmanesque voice. Because that’s exactly how I feel about Internet movie piracy. Music piracy as well, but I think movie piracy is especially pernicious (probably because of my day job). Exhibit A: The DVD-quality version of Wolverine — a movie that’s hitting theaters in a month’s time — that is available for download. You know that warning that they play in front of DVDs, in which the FBI warns that making unauthorized copies of whatever you’re about to watch is punishable by 30 years in prison, a $6 trillion fine, and 27 lashes in the town square? I hope they catch the pirate and punish him to the fullest extent of the law.

Why do I say this? Because this sort of crime could, theoretically, cost the company it hurts (in this case, Fox) millions upon millions of dollars. This is not an exaggeration. Multiply the number of people who see this movie by the bad word of mouth that might accompany it (this is an unfinished version without effects and missing crucial reshoots done a couple months back), and you’re looking at a pretty big negative hit on opening weekend.

And none of this even addresses the more basic problem: piracy is stealing. Straight up. It’s theft. It’s the theft of something a person or group of people put tons of effort and time into. Theft is wrong. It’s immoral. And if you steal, you deserve to be punished to the fullest extent of the law.

(An interesting take on the “Wolverine” leak over at Hollywood Elsewhere: What if 20th Century Fox leaked it early to try and depress box office take and make an insurance claim? Not endorsing it, just thought it was a great, Mamet-like conspiracy theory.)