The Onion knows how to raise bailout funding
According to carnival sources, a visibly irritated Cheney, clad in sandals and a white cotton robe, arrived at the one-day event shortly before 10 a.m. After removing his robe to reveal a black, 1940s-style bathing suit, the vice president reportedly touched his hand to the water, muttered something to himself, and was then helped up the tank’s ladder by several members of his Secret Service detail.
“All right, you candy arms, let’s go,” Cheney shouted at the line of people, which consisted of Americans, non-Americans, out-of-work autoworkers, teachers, luminaries from the science community, gays, lesbians, military personnel, members of Congress, children, and the entire Arab-American population. “Hey [former British prime minister Tony] Blair. I see you back there. Think you’ll be able to stop crying long enough to throw the ball?”