The SWPLest story ever. EVER.

Here’s the hed/subhed:

The Locavore’s Dilemma: What to do with the kale, turnips, and parsley that overwhelm your CSA bin.

The brilliance of the subhed, as a tipster points out, is that the author just assumes you know what a “CSA” is. I assumed it meant “Confederate States of America.” I am the wrong kind of white person.

You have to read the whole thing. It’s something to behold. If this isn’t the SWPLest line that has ever been written in an irony-free manner, I’m not sure what is:

every winter I’m faced with a two-month supply [of turnips], not to mention the kale, collards, and flat-leaf Italian parsley that sit in my refrigerator, slowly wilting, filling me with guilt every time I reach past them for the milk.

Again, as my tipster pointed out when I highlighted that passage, “it has everything: exotic vegetables, elitism, white guilt. It’s perfect.” But wait, there’s more! The very next line might be even SWPLer:

After three years of practice, I’ve figured out simple ways to deal with most of these problem vegetables: I braise the turnips in butter and white wine; I sauté the kale and collards with olive oil and sea salt; I wait until the parsley shrivels and then throw it out.

The bit about sea salt is the clincher. As we all know, white people love sea salt.