So You Want to Be Likeable? How to Make Friends for Libertarians

In my last post, I mentioned a few times that we libertarians may struggle with likeability. I know right, who would have thought?

But truthfully, it’s a problem that isn’t just hurting your dating life (see here) or hurting your social media game. It’s a bigger issue than that. It’s something that we as a movement need to tackle in order to really accomplish what we’ve set out to do, and that’s to make the world a more free and prosperous place for everyone!

The goal here is to treat others with respect and dignity even if we disagree and to showcase freedom in action. People really do like people for the most part, but there are specific qualities I think we can all agree on that are generally considered as likeable traits to emulate. And we can emulate them if we try. So let’s get to work! (Yes, more advice from your friendly neighborhood, millennial libertarian).

People Like Love
I know this may sound a little too Jesus-y for some of you, but hear me out. Arthur Brooks had a point in his book, and the Beatles might have mentioned it in a song or something… All you need is love. Love. So cheesy and yet oh so good. Start off all of your interactions with a dash of this and you’re set. 

It’s so rare today to be treated with love and kindness by strangers, especially when talking policy, that you may shock them into agreement! All jokes aside, truthfully, I know I am more likely to be open about my opinions and beliefs if I know the other party will respond with kindness and thoughtfulness. Kindness has a funny way of convincing (maybe guilting) others to respond in kind. 

The same goes for social media. Again, I learned this at Jesus camp but, THINK: Is it True, is it Helpful, is it Inspiring, is it Necessary, is it Kind? The last one can sometimes be a kicker when we want to be sassy. But seriously, this acronym is a helpful guideline. Is this really what could change someone’s mind? Is it something so attention grabbing that friends will read it or click on it? Will this make people more or less receptive to libertarian ideas? Let’s not lose real friends because of what we share to our Facebook friends.

People Like Respect
But if mustering “warm fuzzies” seems like a tall order, at least try coming in with a very libertarian value — respect. If they aren’t hurting you or your property, don’t hurt them. So if you’re talking with someone and you may feel angry by what they say, remember that deep down  you know protecting your principles is more important than raging at this poor guy in public. (Raise your hand if you have been personally victimized by a libertarian yelling in a bar!) Respect almost bridges the gap of likeable and unlikeable. Even if someone doesn’t like you, if they can respect you, there is still a good chance that they will give you their ear when you need it. 

Debate is only possible when we all come to the table with a healthy dose of respect. And speaking of debate, remember it’s an art form. It’s a dance; a back and forth — meaning there needs to be back and forth. You need to let others get a word in. Remember how cool Socrates looked when he did very little talking, but much convincing? Aim for that! And if you can’t be that, aim for a Jonah Goldberg, an Arthur Brooks, or a Nikki Haley. 

People Like Humility
A great way to get people to like you, is to not be a know it all. It’s hard for us brainy policy wonk types — because we do know a lot. And that is awesome, but we don’t know everything. I think it’s important for us to know our arguments inside and out, and certainly the other side’s arguments and reasoning. If we don’t, it can seem like we don’t actually care about the issue and its solutions, but only about winning. 

However, we often underestimate the power of “I don’t know” as a legitimate answer in debates. Truthfully, I’d rather hear that than watch you stretch for a quippy response or a bold faced lie. Admitting you don’t know is humble and honest and can really work to build trust. And it can also lend itself to a great follow up of “let me try to find that out” or something along those lines. 

People Like Passion
This last one may seem like the easiest, and yet hardest of all. Remember why it is that you love liberty. Remember the story of how you got here. Remember all of the people who helped you find these ideas, the people who made it feel like your spot, your niche, your home. 

At the end of the day, we aren’t just trying to win elections, get bills passed, or win court cases. I mean we are, but at the core of all of that is the desire to help people. Real people with faces and stories of their own. There can seem to be a disconnect between our facts and our hearts, so let’s show the world that there isn’t. I hope that by remembering your own story and the stories of those you’ve met along the way, you can protect yourself from being jaded with the whole political, policy-focused machine and in doing so connect our strategies for freedom to the wonderful outcomes freedom creates for people. 

It’s my deepest hope that by being more tempered and loving in how we speak with our opponents we can mend broken relationships and build bridges where before there was only a chasm. I know I’m not the only one who has felt the sting of a relationship tinged by a political disagreement. 

Who knows, maybe the fastest way to freedom is through friendship.