July 15, 2008

DC loves wasting money on lawsuits

By: Sonny Bunch

That’s the only reasonable explanation for this asinine move by the Council and the mayor. As DCist wrote, the council is requiring that “Firearms in the home must be stored unloaded and disassembled, and secured with either a trigger lock, gun safe, or similar device. The new law will allow an exception for a firearm while it is being used against an intruder in the home.” Additionally, the law will still ban “semiautomatic” handguns.

Without devolving too far into uncontrollable snark, this is the equivalent of the council saying “Yes, fine, you can have pistols, you insufferable twerps. But they must be of the flintlock or Derringer variety; no multiple shot weapons for you! And they must still be kept in a lock box with a trigger lock up to an including the point where someone enters the doorway of your house. No, you may not PREVENT someone from entering your home by brandishing a firearm…that is sheer folly!”

First off: the Supreme Court pretty clearly stated that requiring a gun intended for self-defense to be rendered inoperable (i.e., by keeping a trigger lock on it at all times) is unconstitutional. So why the District is pushing the issue here is kind of mind-boggling. They must have a ton of excess money from all those schools they’re shutting down and no idea what to do with it, because this is going to incur hundreds of thousands of dollars in legal fees.

Second off: to say that “semi-automatic” handguns are the same thing as “machine guns” is the stupidest goddamn thing I’ve ever heard EVER.* I’m sorry for the vulgarity, but it’s patently absurd. For the uninitiated: A semi-auto handgun is (typically) one of those guns you see on TV with clips that eject from the handle. A machine gun, meanwhile, is the type of gun you simply hold the trigger of while it spews lead (AK-47, M4-A1, etc.) What is the legal reasoning here? How did this come about? I’m so annoyed I can barely type.

So here’s my question: why is the DC council so interested in keeping its law abiding citizens defenseless? What in the hell is wrong with them? If there’s a prowler outside my house who smashes in a window with a brick and is climbing into my house to do me harm do I have the right to shoot him AS he enters, or do I have to wait UNTIL his entire body is inside and he can draw a bead on me with whichever illegally purchased semiautomatic pistol he happens to have? Seriously, council members: I hate you. Go jump off a bridge and let some sane people do your work.

*From the district’s press release: “2. MPD will allow the registration of previously possessed handguns other than those that qualify as “machine guns” under District law (that is, all automatics and most semiautomatic pistols) for the next six months. During that period, the Office of the Attorney General has established an Amnesty policy not to prosecute anyone for unregistered possession of such a handgun when it is brought to MPD for registration, although those who have committed other crimes with firearms of course remain subject to prosecution.”