What They Don’t Tell you About Being a Working Mom

People say that being a working mom is hard, but they never tell you why. Being a mom is tough, but throw in a full-time job and all of a sudden, you’re juggling 10 balls in the air. But let’s get into the seedy underbelly of what that actually looks like day to day and what I’ve learned in my new journey as a mother.

There are many things I learned and am continuing to learn since becoming a mom on January 1 (my daughter wanted to ring in the new year with us), but there are several key things that surprised me. 

Take all the maternity leave you’re offered

Maternity leave is several months of time that I never thought I’d use. Not because I wouldn’t have kids. But because I didn’t think I’d need 12 weeks off. Boy was I wrong.

I simply assumed I’d be an invalid for 12 weeks (the exact words I used to describe myself before giving birth). When I healed within 2 weeks and found myself out and about more, I thought I’d return to my normal routine and enjoy the rest of my days out of the office. Silly me. Once I physically healed, the emotional and mental burden of becoming a new parent quickly kicked in. Not only did I not feel like myself, but not being able to “get back to normal” was and continues to be a very difficult obstacle for me. Could I have checked emails and met up with people? Absolutely. However, the time away from work and being with my baby helped ease me into my new routine. 

So, whether you have 2 weeks or several months, take your maternity leave. You deserve time to dedicate to healing and to your baby. There is no other time like this. 

Get uber clear on your priorities

If you aren’t clear on your priorities once you step foot back in the office, you’re going to flounder. I’ve already experienced that feeling several times. In this instance, I go back to my values: What is the number one priority? My family. What is number two? My community and relationships. What is number three? My professional life. All these things seemingly are important, but there is a hierarchy in my life. Checking myself like this narrowed my focus and determination, but also the way I align my life while balancing family and professional life. 

If you’re not good at time management, now is the time to learn

It’s pretty easy to talk about having strong time management skills when you have few responsibilities outside work. But combine that with family life and a new baby, not to mention a social life, and all of a sudden you have “no time” for anything. This is where a mentality shift is necessary – and something I’m currently working through. 

For example, I had plenty of time to work out during my maternity leave, and now I seem to have none of it. My preference is always to workout in the afternoon or evening, but coming home from the office at 6:30pm to make dinner and help get the baby ready for bed doesn’t bode well for that desire. If I only have an opportunity in the morning to work out, then I have to re-prioritize my time around that. There is no other choice for me at the moment. There are plenty of other things like this, but blocking and planning your time each day is essential to feel like you’re moving the needle forward in business and enjoying the time you have with your baby, family and/or friends.  

When you’re there, be present

Sarah Blakey, founder of Spanx, said something along these lines awhile back: When you’re at work, be present at work; when you’re at home, be present at home. Don’t half-ass both because your mind and body are in separate places. If you go to the office, find a good sitter you trust so as to not worry about the little one. Lean on your partner for help during wake-ups, feedings, and bedtime to get an extra couple of hours of work that you may have missed during the day when you were at home taking care of the baby. Pump and/or bottle feed if that gives you needed time, space, and peace. Talk to your coworkers about the reality of your situation.

Something I had to do for myself was bottle-feed during the day with a mix of breastmilk and formula, and commit to nursing at night. This is what worked for me and my work schedule, it can be different for everyone. 

I realize these things are easier said than done, but they still warrant being said.  

Find time for yourself and socialize

This may seem obvious, but it bears repeating. Mothers need to find time for themselves. You are still you, but now you have a baby. Go back to the things you enjoy – writing, styling, getting your nails done, dancing, swimming, traveling. Whatever it is, make the time to do it. Your brain, body, and baby will thank you for being rejuvenated and refreshed.  

If you want to be functional, sleep training is a must

Unless you have a unicorn baby that naturally sleeps during the day and for 8+ hours at night, I learned the hard way that sleep training is a must. I dislike it as much as the next parent, but ensuring babies know how to fall asleep on their own will save you time and grief down the road. Sleep is essential to equip you with the mental stamina to balance both work and parenthood. Or at least that’s what my husband and I are learning now.  

Be okay with new routines, but get good at re-learning your old ones

I alluded to this earlier, but this is one of the most difficult things I’ve learned. We don’t stop being us because we became moms. It just becomes more challenging to do what we’ve always done. Find ways to balance both positive old habits and be ok with changing them a little while incorporating new habits for baby and work.  

You have to let go of little things that previously bothered you, unless you hire help

Laundry, cleaning the bathrooms, washing the dishes, taking the dog for two walks, last minute-meal prep. These, and many other things are to-do’s that need to get done but they might not get done on your new timeline. I don’t mind if the dishes are in the sink for a day. I’ve had to learn to meal plan, grocery shop, and meal prep on Sunday’s so my evenings are free. The dog is okay with one walk sometimes. These are things I’m learning every day being a working mom. 

Being a working mother can be more motivating and fulfilling than the average woman leads you to believe 

Perhaps that’s pessimistic. But many women I know either don’t like their jobs or don’t like their jobs enough not to want to stay at home with their kids full-time. Being a stay-at-home mother is a beautiful blessing and vocation for many, but it’s not for everyone. Nor should it be an expectation for every mother. When I seemed to be one of the few women in my circle that desired both family life and a professional career, it felt lonely. I almost convinced myself I couldn’t do it or wouldn’t want it when my daughter arrived. But when my baby was born, I felt more empowered and motivated to work. I wanted to do it for her. I desired to show her that she, too, can do hard things for those she loves. I wanted to show her that women were built strong and that they can use their talents to serve both family and the outside world. No, we certainly cannot do it all at once. But with the help of those around us, with a shift in mindset and change in habits, and dedication to our priorities, women can live fulfilling lives as working mothers.